Imagine that you were on death row. The date is set, and you’re scheduled to meet your fate in one month. You have no hope of escaping it, but could you find peace? If you read the last statements of executed Texans, it seems that most of them do indeed find peace. The most frequently used word in last statements is “Love,” followed by “Thanks.” “God” is number four, and “ready” is high up on the list also. Many statements are religious and almost all are very calm. “I can only ask that you have the peace that I do,” said Stephen Moody to the family of the person he murdered. Kenneth Morris, another offender, used his last moments to say “sorry for all the pain that I have caused you and your family. I only have love in my heart. I hope that you can all forgive me. I pray that you can all forgive me…”
You’re one of these people, strapped to the chair preparing to give your last words. You’ve been expecting this moment for a long while, and are ready to leave this world in peace. OK, this isn’t the most pleasant thought, so let’s spice up the scenario a little. The warden tells you that maybe you won’t have to die. Perhaps he’ll flip a coin to decide your fate. Maybe he’ll have you pick a number 1-10 or give you a math test that you’d have to pass to save your life (why not?). Maybe you’d have to write a letter to the victim’s family and, if you can convince them to spare your life, then you’d be set free. Yeah, I like this last scenario. So, the warden gives you a chance to live, and allows you to write a letter to the family. You have to wait for a month to give them time to reflect.
Now, imagine that you’re this same prisoner waiting in your cell, suddenly unsure of your fate. In the first situation your fate might not have been your #1 choice, but it was your certain fate. Now, you’re not so sure what’s going to happen. You’re pretty sure that the family wants to see you die, but maybe they’ll have a change of heart. Suddenly you’re a lot more anxious. There’s now a small chance that you’ll live to be an old man. Finding peace in death would be a lot more difficult knowing that you might not have to face it. You’re probably preoccupied focusing all of your energy on thinking about what your fate might be, anyway.
To me, the latter is a much scarier scenario. There’s something about knowing your fate that can allow you to find comfort – even if that fate is not a desirable one. Uncertainty, here in the form of a hope, can deter happiness. In this scenario, hope is tortuous.
This is a little how I feel right now as I watch the clock tick. The only slight difference is that I’m not going on death row.
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It took me awhile to get through this analogy,but thanks for sharing it. I definitely have been there/am there…Has given me a lot to think about/solace that someone else is feeling the same way.