How to get to China

There are a few things we all know about China. It’s big. It’s far. There are a lot of Chinese people there. And you get there by digging a really long hole through the earth. That was about the extent of my knowledge regarding China up until today. I’ve discovered another route to what is perhaps the world’s largest population of Chinese people, though probably longer route than the digging option.

On June 8 at 5:30am, I put my bags in the car and started driving with my friend and Chinese couchsurfer, Xueer. Destination: Los Angeles. Why Los Angeles? Because the soil is looser there and easier to dig through? No. Because the flight I found from Los Angeles was about $400 cheaper than the flights from my home in Houston. So to save some cashola, we hopped into the 42mpg machine that would take us across the country in 27 hours. But not before picking up two others, a friend in Houston and a carpooling Couchsurfer in Dallas. Both vegans.

15 hours and a couple of meatless meals later, we arrived in Albuquerque. The scenery was pretty mediocre up until the last couple of hours before the sunset. Our hosts in Albuquerque were a sweet family with a mini farm in their back yard, chickens and all. April, the mother, played some guitar and sang some of her own music for us.

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After waking up and a little play time with the kids, we were back on the road for Los Angeles. Scenery along the way, particularly the last hour or two before LA, was stupendous. STUPENDOUS! Mountains and fog and things, you know.

We rolled into downtown LA late at night and dropped off Jenelle and Megan.
“Alright, come on up to the front eat,” I invited Xueer.
“No thanks, I don’t want to move.”
“I’m not your chauffeur, Xueer.”
“What?”
“Nevermind.”
And we were off to our host in Cerritos, which Megan pointed out rhymes with “Dorritos.”

Helen, our very sweet and lifesaving host, let us in late at night and took us out for our first in n out burger. It was pretty good.

Xueer and I spent the next day taking care of business instead of being tourists, and Helen saved us by taking us to the airport at the last minute when our ride fell through and we realized that the public transport wouldn’t get us there on time. Checked in and walked through security. There was a sign that showed an example of what the security guards see in the scanners, and I don’t know if that is supposed to put people’s minds at ease because you can totally see a pecker in that picture. I got my nay nays frisked because I had a quarter in my pocket. Speaking of which, I have a tip for people who enjoy being groped. It was embarrassing. Not because another man was groping me in public, but because I’m ticklish so I was giggling the whole time he did it.

Finally, after two days of driving almost nonstop (or four days for Xueer who had taken the greyhound from Miami), we were there: at the horrible LAX airport that would lead us to a day long flight to Tokyo where we would have a 15 hour layover before another long flight to Shanghai.

This may sound like a long voyage, but it’s about to get a lot longer. In the end I’ll have decided that digging a whole through the earth would probably be a much easier option.

To be continued.

Location:Los Angeles, united states

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